


By the Skin of My Teeth

by RaeDMagdon, Revans_Mask



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: But It's Best to Avoid Spoilers, F/F, Memory Loss, Mystery, Smut, Trauma, other stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-05 20:11:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15178418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeDMagdon/pseuds/RaeDMagdon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revans_Mask/pseuds/Revans_Mask
Summary: After the end of the Reaper War, Shepard wakes up in an Alliance hospital with a mysterious head injury.  The worst should be over, and yet she can't shake the feeling that something is very wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Without giving away any details, this story represents a bit of a different turn for us. Still, we hope that you'll trust us enough to come along for the ride with Shepard, Liara, and company.

As soon as she opened her eyes, Shepard realized it had been a mistake. Light flooded in, sharp enough to hurt, bright enough that she couldn’t see anything around her. But where was that? Closing her eyes, Shepard tried to orient herself. A soft mattress lay beneath her, but it didn’t feel like hers. Beyond that, there was nothing to indicate her location.

_ Or how I got here. _

The light dimmed through Shepard’s eyelids, or maybe she was getting used to it. Either way, she decided to try opening her eyes again, albeit more slowly. This time she was able to bear it, enabling her to take a look around the room. The first thing she saw was a plain, white ceiling, but once she turned her head, everything came into focus. She had been in more than enough Alliance hospital rooms to recognize when she was laying in one.

Just as that realization was sinking in, a door on the other side of the room opened, revealing a young, pretty brunette in a military nurse’s uniform. “Commander Shepard,” she said brightly. “You’re awake.”

“I guess I am.”  Her voice came out hoarse, as if she was still figuring out how her vocal cords worked.

“How’re you feeling, Commander?” the nurse asked.

“All right,” Shepard told her, without much conviction.  _ Something _ was certainly wrong. Her head felt fuzzy, as if she was suffering from a cross between a hangover and a sharp blow to the back to the skull. The rest of her, though… even though she felt weak, Shepard couldn’t identify any obvious wounds on her body.

“There’s no need to rush anything. It may take awhile before you’re back to normal.”

“What happened to me?” Shepard tried to sit up in the bed, but the attempt failed. Her body felt wobbly, the connections not working quite right. After a few seconds, she slumped back once again.

The nurse’s eyes narrowed as she watched Shepard’s struggle, and she took a moment to consult a data pad in her hand. “You don’t remember? I guess that makes sense, given the head injury.”

Shepard reached behind her head, but everything felt normal. Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean anything. There were plenty of ways she could have fucked up her head that wouldn’t leave a visible mark. “If you say so. But how...”

“Really, don’t worry about it. There will be plenty of time for these kinds of questions when you’re feeling better.”

Shepard was about to respond that she could deal with it now, but before she could, pain shot straight through her skull. Her head felt as if it had been impaled with a railroad spike and she pinched her forehead, grimacing as the nurse came over to her bed.

“I know it hurts,” she said, placing a hand on Shepard’s back. “But that should pass. You just need to rest.”

Her voice was kind, but Shepard couldn’t shake the feeling that she was hiding something. Still, she was in no condition to figure out what it was. It took a couple of hard blinks before she pushed the pain back far enough to talk. “You’re probably right,” she conceded.

“It really will be fine, Commander.”  The nurse pointed out a button by the side of her bed. “I’ll let you sleep, but you can use this to call me if you need anything. I’m Lieutenant Simmons by the way.”

“Shepard,” she replied, trying for a laugh and ending up with a rasp. “But you already know that.”

Lt. Simmons touched a nearby control and the lights dimmed. Shepard sighed, closing her eyes, and settling back down into the bed. In the darkness, her head didn’t hurt quite so much, allowing her at least a little room to think. 

Her thoughts were troubled. Memory loss was bad enough, but there was something else nagging at her, something she was missing.  _ No! Not something, someone. _ She looked around the room, trying to find Simmons to demand an answer, but it was too late. Shepard was left alone in the dark, wondering where Liara was.

***

“Where’s Liara? Liara T’Soni?”

The next time the lights switched on and Lt. Simmons entered the room, those were the first words out of Shepard’s mouth. They practically leapt to her lips as she sat up in bed, although from what she could make out through the painful brightness, Lt. Simmons didn’t seem surprised by her outburst.

“Please, Commander, lie back down,” she said in an infuriatingly gentle tone. “Try to relax.”

Only Shepard wasn’t relaxed. She couldn’t relax. Where was Liara? Was she safe? Was she…

She tried, not for the first time, to recall her most recent memory of Liara, but all she got was a return of the splitting headache. Spots flashed in front of her eyes, and cold sweat sprouted along her skin.

“Commander Shepard?”

Shepard gritted her teeth, fisting the hospital bed’s thin sheets until the pain passed. It left a numb sort of hollowness behind, so vast that it took her several moments to reorient herself. She cracked open her eyes, realizing that she had curled in on herself. All she could see of Lt. Simmons’ face was a peach colored smudge.

“Where’s… Liara…?”

Lt. Simmons took a seat beside the bed. Shepard couldn’t remember seeing it there before, but she didn’t dwell on the fact, because Lt. Simmons finally answered her question: “Doctor T’Soni is safe and unharmed.”

Tears of relief welled in Shepard’s eyes, and a smile broke across her face. “She is? Where is she?”

A deep furrow appeared in Lt. Simmons’ forehead. “I can’t reveal that information to you, Commander. I’m sorry.”

“What? Why—”

“You are in a delicate stage of your recovery. As you know, you have suffered a head injury, with accompanying memory loss. Those memories need to come back naturally. If I suggest certain facts that might have occurred, your brain could interpret them as truth and form false memories around them.”

A thick lump clogged Shepard’s throat, and the coppery, dry taste of fear filled her mouth. “False memories? Are you saying Liara isn’t safe?”

“Doctor T’Soni is safe, I promise. That’s the truth. Once your recovery reaches a certain point, she will be allowed to visit.”

Shepard peered deep into Lt. Simmons’ eyes, trying to discern her sincerity. Shit, she missed EDI. EDI would have analyzed Lt. Simmons’ heart rate, noted signs of increased respiration or perspiration…

“What about the rest of my crew? Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams? Lieutenant James Vega? Miranda Lawson? Garrus Vakarian? Admiral Tali’Zorah vas—”

The names poured out of her like a river until Lt. Simmons interjected. “I don’t know all of your associates, but to my knowledge, the  _ Normandy _ ’s crew is safe. If you give me a list of their names, I can bring you a more complete status update next time. I do recognize Lieutenant-Commander Williams, though. She has come to visit you several times with Dr. T’Soni.”

Shepard propped herself up further. “She has? Ashley and Liara visited me? I don’t… I don’t remember…” This time, she knew better than to push herself. Her body was shaky and exhausted, and she remembered the pain with an urgent clarity. Normally, pain wasn’t something Shepard shied away from. She was a soldier — she did what needed doing, no matter what. But this wasn’t a squadron of Reaper forces. This was her, alone, in a hospital bed.

“Lt. Simmons, what happened to me?”

The lieutenant crossed her legs, withdrawing a datapad. Shepard hadn’t remembered seeing that, either, and she blinked in confusion. “Did you always have that?”

“Why don’t you tell me some of what you remember, Commander? Not your most recent memories, please. It would be best if we started by focusing on events that happened a few days before your injury, or even a few weeks, if that would be more comfortable.”

Shepard thought hard. What did she remember?

_ The Reapers. Earth burning. Anderson. _

_ Mars. The Crucible. Liara. _

_ Palaven, the lights snuffing out. Garrus. _

_ Tuchanka, baking in the sun. Kalros’ primal screams of victory. Wrex. Eve. Mordin… oh, Mordin… _

_ The Citadel. That bastard Kai Leng. Thane… _

_ Rannoch, not yet lost. Tali, staring into the horizon. Legion, slumped in the sand. _

_ Thessia gone. Reduced to rubble and ashes. _

_ Horizon. Kai Leng again. Miranda, bloody but unbowed, just like Ashley’s poem. _

_ “It would be easy for a single ship to get lost up there, wouldn’t it?” Liara’s eyes, glistening with tears. _

_ On Earth. Her love. Her friends. Preparing to make their final stand. One by one, they said their goodbyes… _

“We were launching the final assault,” Shepard murmured. “Preparing to deploy the Crucible. I asked Liara… Dr. T’Soni and Lieutenant-Commander Williams came with me. Earth is Ashley’s home. Our home. And Liara… is… mine.”

_ Is, or was? If Liara’s still alive, then she’s still mine, but what about Earth? Is Earth an is, or a was? _

“You can’t tell me what happened to Earth, can you?” she asked.

“Earth has survivors,” Lt. Simmons said, measuring each word.

“So we destroyed the Reapers? We won?”

“The Reapers are gone.” Lt. Simmons dimmed the screen of her datapad, setting it on her lap. “Please, Commander, you aren’t capable of processing everything that’s happened yet. For now, I can tell you that most of your friends are safe, and Earth has survivors. That needs to be enough. I’m giving you these facts because not knowing could cause you to deteriorate, but your mind is in an incredibly delicate state. If I reveal too much too quickly, it could seriously hinder your progress.”

Shepard shook her head. “I know that you think you’re helping, but I’ve been through a lot in my life, Lieutenant. Nobody gets to be N7 without being able to handle stress. Whatever happened to me, I can take it.”

“I know how tough you are, Commander, and under most circumstances, you would be right. But brain damage isn’t like a bullet to the shoulder, so please, take my advice and be patient with this.”

As compassionate as Simmons sounded, something in what she said still didn’t feel right to Shepard. Unfortunately, there was a long distance between realizing that, and having a way to figure out what it was, so she just said, “I’ll do my best.”

***

Shepard wasn’t sure how much time passed before the next visit. In the hospital, it was hard to keep track, and there was little to do except sleep anyway. Even that was troubled. The same images of the war that had flashed through her mind when talking with Simmons kept appearing in her dreams, joined by others that she couldn’t quite place.

_ A beam of light. A flash, and then pain. Halls filled with corpses. And then… what? _

The only good thing she could say about the passage of time was that after a while, things didn’t hurt quite so much. She became accustomed to the light, and while her body still didn’t feel entirely like her own, she could at least sit up without blinding agony.

That’s what she did when the door opened again, and this time, a more familiar woman walked through it. Whatever mysterious thing had happened at the end of the war, it hadn’t stopped Miranda Lawson from looking as perfect as ever. Not a hair was out of place, and her bodysuit looked fresh from the factory. It reminded Shepard of the day they’d first met on the Lazarus Station, except now, Miranda had a much more genuine smile on her face.

“Hello, Shepard.”

“Miranda,” Shepard said, pleased that her voice didn’t crack. “Good to see a friendly face.”

“It’s good to be here.” Miranda leaned down, offering Shepard a gentle hug from her standing position. She withdrew quickly, but it was long enough for Shepard to enjoy the brief physical contact before familiar aches set in. “Things are a bit of a mess out there, but when I heard about your condition, I knew I had to come.”

“I’m surprised they let you in. They haven’t allowed me any visitors besides this one nurse.”

“Lt. Simmons. I’ve met her.” Miranda’s face showed a hint of a smirk. “She was reluctant to approve my visit, but given my familiarity with your case, I was able to persuade her.”

Shepard managed a weak laugh. “Well, I was pretty much dead last time, so treating this should be a piece of cake.”

Her joke didn’t have the expected effect. Miranda’s brow furrowed and she said, “Don’t underestimate how serious your condition is, Shepard. What happened to you was very unusual, and it’s going to require a lot of delicate care.”

“So Lt. Simmons keeps telling me.” Shepard sighed, feeling a sense of resignation deep in her soul. She’d hoped Miranda wouldn’t give her the same ‘we can’t tell you anything’ bullshit, but it seemed she was in this for the long haul.

And yet, there was one question she couldn’t give up on having answered. “Is there anything more you can tell me about Liara? I know she’s alive, but that’s about it.”

Miranda folded her arms across her chest and took a deep breath. “I can only imagine how frustrating that must be, and I really wish I could tell you more. But if it helps, she’s all right. Worried about you, of course, but all right.”

Shepard barely heard Miranda’s last few words. The memory had hit her like a cannon to the chest, tearing through her attempts to keep calm. 

_ They race across the ruined ground, the beam tantalizingly close and yet not near enough. Not with the Reaper hovering above them, raining death with every blast. Its eye opens and though the beam isn’t pointed at them, it’s far too close. When it impacts, the tank is hurled into the air before crashing down on…  Oh, God. It’s falling on Liara. _

“Liara!” Her scream was agonized, followed by words that poured out before she could stop them. “She’s not all right, Miranda. Stop lying to me. I remember. That fucking Reaper dropped a tank on her!”

“Relax, Shepard. Deep breaths.” Miranda placed a hand on her shoulder, and Shepard flinched without meaning to. Still, Miranda didn’t let go. “Liara is all right, I promise. Try to remember what happened after the tank.”

Shepard gritted her teeth. She was afraid to close her eyes, terrified to revisit the new memory… a memory where Liara had been hurt, maybe even killed… but she had to know. If something had happened to Liara, she had to remember.

Reluctantly, she went back to that moment, the split second when her heart had been crushed before her eyes. But after the bright flash of white and orange faded, a shadowy shape moved toward her: Liara, standing up, limping forward with one arm cupped around her abdomen.

“She made it,” Shepard said, hardly noticing the tears that spilled from her eyes. “I remember… she made it… I – oh god, Miranda, I sent her away. She must be…” Sobs of laughter shook inside her chest, but Shepard couldn’t stop despite how sore they made her. “She must be so pissed at me. Is that why she isn’t here?”

“No,” Miranda said. “I promise, Liara isn’t angry with you. She’ll be visiting soon.”

Shepard slumped forward, bracing her forehead in one hand. She closed her eyes, trying to settle the storm of emotions that churned inside her stomach. It wasn’t easy. There were so many: relief, terror, pain, exhaustion… sadness. As grateful as she was for Miranda’s presence, she missed Liara keenly — so keenly that Shepard feared if she didn’t see her bondmate this very second, she might go crazy.

“Shepard? Are you all right?”

Shepard scrunched her face, then let the tension go.  _ Liara will visit. Miranda promised. She doesn’t lie to me… unless she has a good reason. _

“I don’t know.”

Miranda squeezed her shoulder once, then let go. “At least you’re being honest.”

Shepard raised her head, surprised by how tired the simple motion left her. “After the tank… after I sent Liara away… what happened next?”

Miranda pressed her lips together, remaining silent.

“Lt. Simmons says the Reapers are gone. That means we won, right? So why all the secrecy?”

“You know I can’t tell you,” Miranda sighed. “Asking multiple times won’t change my answer.”

Shepard clenched her jaw, staring Miranda down, but after peering into her friend’s piercing blue eyes for several moments, she realized Miranda wasn’t going to give in.  _ That’s hardly a surprise _ .  _ She’s as stubborn as I am. _

“If you see Liara, will you at least tell her I love her? Please. And tell her I’m sorry about leaving her behind.”

Miranda smiled. “I can do that. Are there any other messages you want me to give?”

Shepard nodded. “Tell Garrus… tell him I owe him a night of drinking at a bar on Earth. Since we both made it out.”

Miranda’s smile vanished. “I’ll tell him,” she said, but her voice was curiously devoid of the warmth it had held before.

Shepard considered asking why, but she knew the answer, or lack of answer, she’d get. “And tell Williams she’s earned some damn rest. You don’t have to tell me what she’s doing right now. If Earth has survivors, she’s up to her elbows in the relief efforts.”

“You’d be right about that,” Miranda said. “I’ve been in contact with most of the  _ Normandy _ ’s crew, past and present… although some are more pleased to speak with me than others.”

Shepard’s lips tweaked into a small smirk. “Jack?”

“Actually, Jack and I have been on relatively good terms since the party. You do remember the party, don’t you? At Anderson’s apartment?”

A sharp pain pierced Shepard’s chest as Miranda said the name ‘Anderson,’ followed by a cold flood of fear. She felt another memory bubbling up within the dark recesses of her mind, but something deep and primal told her not to probe further. For once, she listened to it. “Anderson’s apartment… yeah. Garrus and Zaeed spent the whole time booby trapping the place.”

“Yes, they did. And Specialist Traynor did an excellent job bartending.”

“How is she?”

“I believe she’s adopted a golden retriever. She’s asked about visiting you as well.”

“Well, go ahead and send her in whenever you think I’m ready,” Shepard said, not able to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Actually, I’m hopeful you’ll be able to get out of here soon.”

“You mean go back home?” 

_ Home _ meant the  _ Normandy _ . Both of them knew that, but Miranda shook her head sorrowfully. “Not yet, I’m afraid. But you’ll be able to walk around the hospital grounds at least. That’s something.”

“I suppose so,” Shepard conceded. True, it would be nice to see something other than these plain, white walls, and maybe feel the sun on her face, but it wouldn’t be enough. Nothing would be, not until she could see Liara again.


	2. Chapter 2

Miranda proved as good as her word. Perhaps a day after she left — it was difficult to tell time in that place — Lt. Simmons returned to lead Shepard out of her room. It wasn’t easy to follow her. Maybe it was the prolonged inactivity, or something to do with the nature of her injury, but at first, Shepard’s limbs didn’t want to obey her commands. It was like learning to walk for the first time, and it took a few days before she could make it from her room to the garden and back unassisted.

The destination was worth it. Shepard didn’t know what untouched corner of the galaxy they’d managed to find, but wherever it was, the sun was bright and the air clear. There also weren’t many other patients to bother her. She caught glimpses of people in their own rooms as she walked the halls, but in the garden, she had peace. Lt. Simmons supplied her with some books, and for the next few days, Shepard was left alone to sit and read.

She was in the process of letting a decent detective novel distract her when she heard the footsteps. Simmons, she assumed at first, come to bring her lunch. She hadn’t enjoyed food much since waking up, but since eating was necessary, she ate.

“Over here, lieutenant,” Shepard called out, but when she looked up from her book, she nearly fell out of her chair.

Unlike Miranda, Liara showed the effects of the war they’d just come through. There was a bandage on one side of her crest, and she was walking more slowly than usual, but none of that mattered. Liara was alive and she was here.

Shepard rushed down the path as fast as her shaking legs would allow. To her surprise, Liara didn’t do the same. She did smile as Shepard approached, yet even that was a nervous thing.

“Liara,” she said, pulling up short. She couldn’t imagine why Liara would hesitate, but she knew her bondmate well enough to tell something was off.

“Shepard.” Liara’s voice was barely audible as she brushed a single, quivering hand across Shepard’s face. Shepard tried to kiss her palm, but before she could, Liara pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” Shepard asked, unable to keep her voice from cracking. Liara had been uncertain about their reunion on Ilium as well, but this was different. Then, Shepard had been gone for two years.  _ And I’d been dead, too. _

“Nothing. I…” Liara’s voice trailed off, and she looked away.

“Then what’s going on? They’ve barely told me anything about you these last few weeks, and now you’re acting like… I don’t even know what.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears formed in Liara’s eyes, or at least Shepard thought so. Liara was still avoiding her gaze. “You almost died so many times, and now this neural damage… I’m afraid of how serious it might be.”

“It’s not that bad,” Shepard pleaded. She couldn’t bear Liara’s rejection. Not after all they’d been through together. “I know I’ve scared the hell out of you way too often, and I’m so sorry about that, but it’s over now. We won, and I’m still here.” Inspiration seized her, and she grabbed Liara’s hand, lifting it to her forehead. “Join with me, please. Then you’ll see I’m okay.”

Instead, Liara pulled back. She no longer bothered trying to hide her tears. “I can’t, Shepard. Your injury… it would be too damaging to your mind.”

Shepard reached out with a trembling hand, but the fear in Liara’s glistening eyes caused her to hesitate. Logically, she knew Liara wasn’t afraid of her. Liara was afraid of losing her, of losing what they’d had. It was an entirely reasonable fear, considering what they’d been through. Even so, each breath Shepard took was a stab in her chest as she lowered her arm. “Liara, I love you. We survived.”

Liara flinched, but seemed to come to a decision. She sniffed, raising her chin and holding Shepard’s gaze. “I brought you back from the dead once, Shepard. Do you really think I will let fear stop me now?” She opened her arms, and Shepard wept as she entered them, holding Liara as tight as she could.

The flowery scent of Liara’s lotion was familiar, although her clothes smelled different — more like chemicals. (Shepard had always sprung for good detergent on the  _ Normandy _ , when possible.) Liara’s skin was soft too, like always. Like before. She looked just as Shepard remembered, aside from her healing injuries. The shape of her face, even her movements.

And yet…

And yet, something about the way they fit together wasn’t quite right. The pressure points where their bodies usually touched during an embrace were… different. It was subtle, almost imperceptible, something Shepard couldn’t have described if asked. But even as she noticed it, she decided not to care. If things were different now, she would deal with it. This was Liara. They had earned this.

Shepard was further reassured when Liara cupped her cheek again, tracing the lines of old scars. It was the same way Liara had always touched her, at least since the Lazarus Project. She held her breath, soaking in the sensation. When Liara leaned in and up to kiss her, she didn’t dare move. The fragility on Liara’s face made her fear that if she did, the moment would end.

_ Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe I’m actually dying, and this is the last thing I’ll ever see… _

It was a stupid thought, and when Liara kissed her, Shepard dismissed it. Liara’s mouth tasted the same, and her lips parted in familiar ways. Shepard brought her hand to the small of Liara’s back, and both of Liara’s arms draped over her shoulders, stroking the soft hairs at the base of her neck.

After a lingering moment, Liara drew back. She smiled, still uncertain, but not as much as before. “Shepard…”

“Now are you convinced I’m real?”

“Perhaps you should make further efforts to convince me.” Liara lowered her eyes, giving Shepard a look that was meant to be coy. The worry underneath detracted from the expression, but Shepard was delighted anyway. If Liara wanted to flirt, that was a good sign.

“Oh?” Shepard slid her hands down to Liara’s rear, cupping it in her hands just as she had after Hagalaz. “And how should I do that?”

“Like this.” Liara kissed her again, deeper and more passionately than before.

Her arms drew tight, and Shepard sank eagerly into her bondmate’s embrace. For weeks, she’d wanted — no,  _ needed  _ this, and she could tell Liara was just as desperate. Her hands ran along Shepard’s back, clutching through the thin fabric of her hospital gown, and for a moment, Shepard forgot everything that was troubling her. 

But only for a moment. Without warning, her legs wobbled beneath her, and even though she caught herself, Liara drew back. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “You are not well enough for this.”

“I don’t care,” Shepard insisted. “I can’t wait. Not after so long.”

She could see a range of emotions race across Liara’s face: desire, compassion, fear, uncertainty. At last, her bondmate took a deep breath. “Very well. But we should at least get you to a bed.”

“Done.” Shepard flashed her best innocent smile. “I even promise not to try anything along the way.”

“We both know that’s not true,” Liara told her, but she laughed as she said it, and Shepard let herself relax.

Fortunately, the walk back to her room wasn’t too long, which helped Shepard to keep her word. Mostly.  _ A little groping’s not too bad, right? _ Besides, Liara wasn’t much better. At every opportunity, she would lean in for another kiss, seemingly needing to convince herself that this was their new reality.

When they arrived at Shepard’s hospital room, Liara gave the bed a skeptical look. “That is rather small.”

“We’ve made do before. Remember the old  _ Normandy _ ?”

A fond smile appeared on Liara’s face, and Shepard knew she was thinking of their first night there, making love on the narrow bed in her quarters, and even the floor below. “Of course.” She led Shepard over to the mattress, motioning for her to lay down. “I think I should take the lead this time.”

“You’re probably right.” 

Shepard slipped out of her gown before getting on the bed. Whatever was wrong with her, it wasn’t visible on her skin, and she enjoyed the way Liara looked at her nearly naked body, desire shining bright in her eyes.

“I missed you so much, my love,” Liara said, her voice catching. “I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be with you sooner.”

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

Liara said nothing in response. Instead, she unbuttoned her lab coat and let it fall onto the floor. She did the same with her pants and boots, until she wore only a white tanktop and panties. The sight held Shepard’s complete attention as her bondmate walked toward the bed.

“Just relax and let me take of everything, Shepard. I know that’s not easy for you, but…”

“I’ll do my best.”

Shepard scooted to one side of the bed, and Liara found space beside her. When she first slid her hands across Shepard’s torso, she was tentative, but even so, the touch set Shepard aflame. After such a long time apart, she was desperate for Liara, and although the fit was a bit awkward, she told herself that was just the small bed. Besides, it hardly mattered when Liara cupped one of her breasts while lavishing kisses on the other. Shepard gasped as her bondmate’s tongue flicked across a stiff nipple, fighting the urge to take Liara into her arms.

_ Don’t. Let her do this her way. _

With that thought in mind, Shepard forced herself to relax, allowing Liara to climb on top of her. Liara spent a long time re-learning Shepard’s body. Her delicate attentions often paused — at the ball of Shepard’s shoulder, at her stomach, along her leg — and Shepard trembled whenever Liara’s hands halted. Her heart pounded hard in her chest as one of Liara’s palms stroked her side, finding the curve of her hip and holding tight.

“Right before we made our final stand on Earth, I wondered…” Shepard paused, licking her lips and swallowing past the lump in her throat. “I wondered if we would ever touch each other like this again. Now, look at us.”

Liara smiled, but also blinked rapidly, and Shepard realized she was weeping. “Yes. We’re here.”

Something about Liara’s answer seemed strange, but Shepard didn’t have time to question it. Liara’s hands, which had fluttered over and along her form almost indecisively, seemed to reach a more permanent destination: the ‘v’ where her thighs joined.

Liara’s fingertips remained light and ticklish as they crept upward, and Shepard squirmed, laughing to herself. She had thought Liara would devour her with a passion fueled by relief during their first private reunion, but this sweetness was an unexpected, yet delightful deviation.

Eventually, however, Liara’s slow and cautious pace got the better of Shepard’s patience. “You can touch me,” she murmured, urging Liara’s fingers to delve deeper. “I want you to touch me.”

She half-expected Liara to make another comment about needing to maintain control, but instead, she slid two fingers in a steady circle around Shepard’s swollen clit. The touch sent a thrill through Shepard’s body. She arched off the mattress, shivering at the sensation, savoring the way her breasts and stomach pressed into Liara’s.

When Liara found the tender rhythm they were used to, Shepard pushed past any remaining hesitation lingering within her. She opened herself up, smiling as she allowed herself to feel. So often in the past few years, feeling had meant pain. Not now. Her senses offered pleasure, intimacy, and reassurance. They showed her Liara, in a hundred beautiful ways.

But there was one way Liara wasn’t touching her. Normally, at this point, Shepard would feel a tingling push against the barriers of her mind, a loving request for entry.  Liara had said they couldn’t meld because of Shepard’s injuries, but even when her bondmate was trying to hold back, there was usually some kind of pressure.

“Liara?” Shepard asked, a question in her voice.

Liara acknowledged the nonverbal request with a nervous dart of her eyes. She kissed her way down Shepard’s body, no longer lingering, but mission-oriented. Draping Shepard’s heels over her shoulders, she brought her mouth between Shepard’s legs, drawing as much dripping, sensitive flesh inside as she could.

The attention was broadly focused, but intense. Shepard hissed, reaching to grasp Liara’s crest, but stopped herself from pushing. She held on gently instead, fighting the urge to buck. “Meld with me,” she pleaded. Her injuries didn’t matter to her anymore. She needed to feel Liara within her in every possible way, longed for the reassurance the joining offered. It felt as if centuries had passed since the last time.

“We can’t,” Liara said softly, but Shepard heard regret behind her words.

_ She wants this too _ .

“I don’t care about whatever this brain thing is,” Shepard insisted. “I can take it.”

“You don’t understand.” Liara’s tears flowed freely, and her voice cracked hard. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Shepard, it’s that I  _ can’t _ .”

Liara’s words didn’t make sense, but her pain was obvious. Shepard’s desire gave way to concern, and she sat up, pulling her bondmate into her arms. “What do you mean you can’t, sweetheart? Did something happen to you too? The tank?”

“It’s not that...”  Liara’s voice trailed off and she buried her face in Shepard’s shoulder, wetting it with her tears.

“Liara, look at me.” Shepard cupped Liara’s face in her hand, guiding it gently but firmly so that they were facing each other. “Whatever the truth is, I can take it. But you have to tell me, because I’m going crazy not knowing.”

Instead of answering, Liara froze. Her eyes went blank, almost vacant, as if she wasn’t in her body. Shepard could only stare. “Liara? Liara, talk to me.”

Suddenly, Liara’s eyes focused again, and her body straightened. “I didn’t want to do this, but you’re right. There’s no other way. Tell me, Shepard, what’s the last thing you remember before waking up in this hospital?”

“I’m not sure...” Shepard clutched her forehead. It was difficult to center herself, but she tried her best. She started by watching the tank flip over onto Liara. That memory had terrified her at first, but now, she was able to push past it. Liara was here in her arms, after all.

Once Shepard accepted that, more images filtered in. She saw Liara again, but now she was boarding the  _ Normandy _ , Ashley supporting her as she limped up the ramp. The bittersweetness of a final kiss, followed by a desperate dash toward a beam of light. Then a huge dark shape, hovering far above. Its red eye opened, and pain followed…

Shepard shivered, her breath coming in ragged gasps. “There was a Reaper. It, it shot me. Is that when...” She clutched at her head. “Is that when this happened?”

Slim fingers brushed her cheek. “No,” Liara said softly. “But you’re getting closer. Can you keep going?”

Shepard nodded. She inhaled deeply, then released the breath, settling herself down. This was hardly the first painful memory she’d dealt with, so why was this so difficult? She didn’t know, but whatever the truth was, she had to know.

Liara had been right; the Reaper attack hadn’t been the end. Shepard could remember picking herself up out of the dust and somehow staggering the rest of the way to the beam. The memories flooded back faster, one on top of the other, too quickly to focus on any of them.

_ Stumbling through corridors filled with corpses. _

_ Anderson. The Illusive Man. Two gunshots.  _

Shepard winced, but she plowed ahead. Somehow, she knew that whatever had happened in that room wasn’t at the root of the problem, but she was almost there. 

_ A child made of light. A conversation too fuzzy to make out. _

_ Then, seizing the controls of some strange machine. _

This time, nothing followed but the light. A flash so bright she couldn’t see, so intense that it burned her skin. The light took her to pieces, and then, there was nothing more.


	3. Chapter 3

“Shepard?”

She kept her eyes closed. Someone — Liara — was calling her name, but the voice was distant. She didn’t want to wake up. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Shepard, please.”

The terror in Liara’s voice tugged at Shepard’s heartstrings, but she couldn’t find the will to answer. She had used it all to make that stupid choice. To bring the Reapers under her control. What an idiot she’d been, to think the Crucible could magically fix everything.

_ Not without a price… _

“Shepard, please answer me.”

_ It’s never going to end, is it? _

Shepard knew that she had died. She remembered the light melting her body away, and in her final moments, she had been relieved. As much as she had longed to live, to see Liara and her friends again, to see Earth bloom anew, she had been grateful for an end to her suffering. Perhaps it was selfish, but she had comforted herself with the knowledge that everyone had to die sometime.

_ Everyone except me, apparently. _

Shepard opened her eyes. Liara’s face hovered close to hers, covered in tear-streaks.

“Am I dead?”

Liara swallowed visibly. “That depends on your definition of death.”

“Are you dead?”

“No. I escaped on the  _ Normandy _ .”

“Then how are you here with me?”

Liara took a shuddering breath. “After your… encounter on the Crucible, the Reapers stopped attacking Earth. They froze, and then withdrew, flying toward the sun. EDI made contact with them, and was shocked to inform us that you were in control. We all thought you were alive…”

She paused, and Shepard felt Liara’s sob reverberate in her own aching chest.

“… until we found the trail of your blood leading up to the Crucible.”

Tears welled in Shepard’s eyes, but she barely felt them fall. She was numb to almost everything. “If I’m… dead… then how did I maintain control of the Reaper fleet?”

“Some details remain unclear, but EDI determined that the Crucible transferred your consciousness to the Reapers. That consciousness directed them to destroy themselves. But when I learned there was a version of you somewhere, even a virtual one…”

“You had to see if you could bring me back,” Shepard sighed.

She wanted to be angry. Liara had brought her back a second time, or at least part of her, without even asking if it was what she wanted. Instead, she trembled with confusion.

Was her real soul somewhere else? In the afterlife maybe, finally enjoying the peace she had earned? Was she having a drink at the bar, waiting for Garrus and her other friends to join her? Or was there only room for one version of her soul in the galaxy, and this was it? This virtual version of her that didn’t even have a body?

“That’s why you can’t meld with me,” she said flatly. “It requires skin contact and I don’t have any skin.”

Liara nodded helplessly. “Yes. But we are working on that.”

“How?”

“Miranda. The Lazarus Project had your DNA on file. We are growing a clone to—”

“To download my consciousness into?” This time, Shepard’s rage took light. “Don’t you remember what happened the last time someone cloned me? She almost killed all of us!”

“But that was her,” Liara protested. “This… this would be you.”

Shepard’s mouth opened and closed, but she struggled for words. What was there to say? She didn’t know, until a memory tugged at her mind.

“Once, you said you knew it was me the first time we touched again. How do you know this is me,  _ really _ me, if you can’t touch me?”

Liara looked down, and what Shepard could see of her face was with riven with pain. “I don’t. That’s why I…” Her voice broke, but Shepard couldn’t let it go without an answer. Not this time.

“Why what?” she demanded.

“Why I was afraid to see you.” Liara reached toward her, and Shepard froze. The touch, so welcome only minutes earlier, seemed strange. Yet she didn’t turn away, too overwhelmed to move. Liara’s fingers were tender as they brushed her cheek, but more tears filled her bondmate’s eyes. “You look like you, you sound like you, and still, I can’t be sure.”

“How can you be? Even I don’t know.”

There was a sucking hollowness in Shepard’s chest. No, in her whole body. She felt as if it didn’t belong to her, the same way she had when she first woke up.  _ That’s because it isn’t my body. It isn’t even a body, just ones and zeros on some server. _ All that had happened to her since Lt. Simmons first walked into her room was bullshit, a lie everyone else had pushed on her.

“Why did you and Miranda pretend I was in a hospital when really, I was stuck in some fucking computer simulation?” Shepard asked, on the verge of shouting.

Liara paused to gather her thoughts before she spoke again. When she did, her words were carefully controlled. “Because we didn’t know what would happen if you discovered the truth. This simulation is modelled on the Geth consciousness, but you’re no Geth. When you went in before, it was only for a short time, and you retained your physical body. Without that, there was a risk of your consciousness destabilizing. Miranda thought that risk could be mitigated if you believed this was the real world.”

Shepard clutched her forehead as a wave of numbness overtook her.  _ No, it’s not my forehead. No part of this is me.  _ She slumped, feeling nothing as she sank back into the pillows.

Dimly, she heard Liara call out, “Shepard?” Her bondmate’s arms encircled her, but Shepard scarcely felt them. It wasn’t her body Liara was holding. It wasn’t even Liara here with her on the bed. That was just another lie.

* * *

When Shepard opened her eyes, she was alone in her “hospital room.” That solitude brought both disappointment and relief. She sat up and looked around, but nothing seemed out of place. No glitches in the walls or furniture. No unfinished corners. For all intents and purposes, it appeared to be reality.

There was no sign of Liara anywhere. No sign she had visited at all.

_ Maybe it was a nightmare _ ? Shepard wondered, but that fantasy didn’t last long, nor did it offer much respite. She didn’t know much about what was real and what wasn’t, but the conversation with Liara had definitely happened. Some part of her knew this, on a level she couldn’t prove, but believed with certainty.

_ Okay. That’s a starting point. My conversation with Liara was real. That means my body really died, and this version of my consciousness is… virtual. _

Shepard stroked the bedcovers, as if she might be able to feel something different about them. Something off. Was her sense of touch calibrated differently in here, since she didn’t have a body, or was she overthinking things? She folded her hands on her lap. The inability to trust her own senses and memories was terrifying. Without them, what was she?

Abruptly, she thought of Legion. 

_ ‘Does this unit have a soul?’  _

At the time, the question hadn’t seemed complicated. She had been one hundred percent sure of her answer when she’d told him, “Yes.” Even Tali had come around. Legion was a person, an individual, even if his origins weren’t organic like hers.

_ If Legion had a soul, does that mean this version of me has one, too? Is it the same soul as before, or a new one? What happened to the old one? Is there even such a thing? _

Shepard curled in on herself, burying her face in her hands. She wanted to cry, but the knowledge that even the tears wouldn’t be real stopped her up. She wasn’t like Legion. Humans were born into their bodies. They had intimate connections with them, for better or worse. Even the original Lazarus project had rebuilt her rather than cloning her from scratch. Surely that meant her original body had value?

As if thinking about the Lazarus project had sent a signal to the universe, a knock sounded on the door. Shepard bolted upright, heart pounding.  _ What if it’s Liara? Do I want to see her? Can I handle seeing her, knowing what I know? _

It wasn’t Liara.

“Hello, Shepard,” Miranda said. “How are you doing today?”

Shepard narrowed her eyes. “What kind of dumb question is that?”

Miranda sighed and entered the room, shutting the door behind her. “I suppose I deserve that tone.” She approached the bed, taking a seat in the empty visitor’s chair next to it. “Liara told me you figured out the truth. Part of me knew you would, but it was dangerous. After you spoke with her, you were destabilizing for several minutes, and I’d hoped that if you’d had a little more time to adjust...”

“Adjust to what?” Shepard gestured at the sterile room around them. “None of this is real, Miranda.”

“Just because it’s made of code rather than organic material doesn’t make it unreal. Legion’s world inside the Geth consciousness was real, wasn’t it?”

Miranda’s mention of Legion made Shepard feel naked, as though her friend had been peering into the private corners of her mind. _ For all I know, she could be. Is that possible in this place?  _ She scowled and said nothing.

“I see I’ve touched a nerve,” Miranda said. “I apologize.”

“What about Liara?” Shepard asked. “Is she going to come and “ _ apologize” _ too?”

“I believe she would very much like to, but she doubts you’d be willing to see her again. At least, not yet.”

“So she sent you. I’ve never known Liara to be a coward before. Maybe she’s the one who got replaced, or reprogrammed, or whatever.”

“That’s ridiculous, Shepard.”

_“_ All of this is ridiculous!”

“Enough,” said Miranda. “Your anger is justified, but there’s no need to shout at me. I’m here to give you a choice.”

Shepard swallowed the rest of her bitter words. “What kind of choice?” she muttered, suspicion mounting.

“The choice to inhabit an organic body again. A clone, to be more precise. The one I’ve been preparing is ready.”

The swell of hope that expanded within Shepard’s chest took her totally by surprise. It didn’t dim her anger, but the two coexisted, tugging her back and forth.

“Is the clone of me sentient?”

Miranda shook her head. “It’s had a synthetic brain from the start. Without the Crucible, we don’t have the technology to move a mind in or out of a conventional one. The rest of the body is made of organic parts… with a few of the same bells and whistles Shepard 2.0 had, of course.”

“Of course,” Shepard replied mechanically. Once more, she felt disoriented. Every time she tried to wrap her thoughts around the situation she’d fallen into, it turned in another direction. “You said I had a choice?”

“You do. This transfer is uncharted territory, and there is some risk. If you prefer, we don’t have to attempt it. You could stay here, in this simulation, instead.”

It felt as if there was something else coming, but Miranda didn’t continue, and so Shepard pressed. “Are there any other alternatives?”

Miranda hesitated, but Shepard narrowed her eyes, and finally, the operative relented. “I know you didn’t ask for any of this. If you wanted, we could… end the simulation.”

_ And delete me. _ That would be the end of it. No more pain. No more horrifying memories. No more of everything she’d thought she’d been done with when she made her choice to use the Crucible.

_But can I really do that?_ _Can I leave Liara alone?_

Despite her anger, Shepard couldn’t banish the image of her bondmate’s tears. Whether or not Liara had done the right thing, she’d done it for her. Over and over, Liara had risked everything to save Shepard. She hadn’t give up, no matter what obstacles lay between them.

_Not even after I died. Twice._ _And now, I’m actually thinking of giving up on her. On us._

As bizarre as the circumstances were, she and Liara had one final chance at writing their own ending to their story. She had to take it.

“Let’s do it,” Shepard said, much more softly than before. She saw Miranda’s chest unclench, and a small smile took the place of the operative’s anxious stare.  _ She really thought I might just say “fuck it” and log out of all of this. _

Miranda reached over and took her hand. “For what’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision. I’ve gotten you this far. Trust me one more time.”

Trust wasn’t an easy thing for Shepard. Not after having had her head spun back and forth ever since waking up. But she could make a last effort.  _ For Liara. _ “So, what next?”

“You don’t have to do anything. The next time you sleep, I’ll initiate the download.”

“Why when I’m asleep?” She paused, her shaking her head. “Actually, why am I sleeping at all?”

Miranda gave a small laugh. “It’s a processing cycle for your mind. Much like what organics use it for, actually. That’s why we dream, after all.”

* * *

Shepard didn’t know what, if anything, she dreamt about that night. The images faded as soon as she opened her eyes, erased by a blinding overhead light. Before she could shut her eyes again, a dark shadow moved overhead. It was Miranda, looking down at her.

“Shepard? Are you there?”

“Yeah,” Shepard said, pleased that her voice wasn’t too raspy. As her vision adjusted, she looked beyond Miranda’s silhouette and took in her surroundings. She was still in a hospital, but it was different than the simulation. Instead of a simple Alliance recovery room, computer banks and other machines she didn’t recognize surrounded her.

And Liara was there. Her bondmate stood a few paces away, a worried furrow in her brow. When she spoke, it was with hesitance, but also a note of hope. “Hello, Shepard.”

“Am I…” Shepard swallowed, blinking away the last of her blindness. “Is this the real world?”

“It is.” Liara approached the bed with slow steps. “I promise.”

“One more moment, please,” Miranda murmured, offering them both an apologetic expression. “I need to finish these readings. Hold still, Shepard.” Her omnitool glowed, scanning up and down, and Shepard raised a hand to shield her face.

The movement of her arm felt… different. It was hard to describe how, exactly, but there was more weight to the gesture. More presence. Shepard had never noticed the air’s subtle resistance around her until she’d lived with its absence. She shook her head, focusing on Miranda’s drawn features. “Am I… working?”

Miranda lowered her omnitool. “Your readings are good, so why don’t you tell me? How do you feel?”

Shepard sat up without difficulty. Rolled her shoulders. Ran a hand through her hair. She felt surprisingly good. A slow smile spread across her face, and she turned it on Liara, who was waiting just behind Miranda, peering at her with liquid blue eyes.

“I feel… normal.”

Liara gasped and covered her mouth, tears streaming down her cheeks, while Miranda took a polite step backward. “I’ll give the two of you a minute,” she said, but Shepard wasn’t listening. All of her attention remained focused on Liara as her bondmate took Miranda’s place next to the bed.

“You can sit with me,” Shepard said, patting the space beside her leg.

Carefully, Liara sat, although she didn’t let their thighs touch. “I thought you would be angry with me for putting you through this. Last time we spoke…”

“A part of me is angry,” Shepard said. “But I’m alive to be angry, thanks to you. And I’m also so, so happy you’re here.”

“Shepard…” Liara reached out with a trembling hand, waiting for permission. Shepard grasped it without hesitation, guiding Liara’s palm to her cheek. The contact felt familiar, genuine, and she knew deep within her bones that this had been the right choice.

“So, am I me?”

“What?”

“Last time, you said you knew it was me the first time you touched me again. Now that we can actually touch, am I still me?”

“Yes.” Liara stroked Shepard’s face with tender awe, more tears welling in her eyes.

Shepard laughed, then began crying herself. She relished the sensations: the warm tracks on her cheeks, the shortness of her breath, the stuffiness of her nose. It was real, and Liara was here. Whatever else might happen, those two things were true.

“This makes two times you’ve brought me back from the dead,” Shepard said, still clutching Liara’s hand to her face.

“Let’s not make it three,” Liara said with sobbing laughter.

“No. Two is more than enough.”

A wave of something heavy passed over Shepard, and she realized it was emotion. She had felt things in the simulation, both physical and emotional, but there had been a disconnect between her mind and ‘body’. She hadn’t realized she’d missed how sadness clogged her throat, how worry weighed her shoulders down, how happiness made her heart soar.

“I need you to make me a promise,” she said, staring intently into Liara’s eyes.

Liara bit her lower lip and nodded. “Anything.”

“Promise that next time, you’ll let me go.”

“Shepard…” Liara tried to withdraw her hand, but Shepard clasped it tighter.

“I don’t plan on dying any time soon. I chose to come back to you. But I don’t want to be immortal.”

Liara averted her eyes, but when she raised them again, they held clear acceptance. “I promise, Shepard. As long as you promise me you won’t go anywhere for a long time.”

Shepard kissed the soft skin of Liara’s inner wrist. “Why would I want to be anywhere else? Besides, we’ve earned this, haven’t we?”

“You have, at least. I just…” Liara’s voice caught, and she swallowed before continuing. “I am just someone who could not bear to lose the woman she loved.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Shepard brushed away the shining tears that clung to Liara’s cheeks. “If you’d been the one who died, I probably would’ve done the same thing.”

Shepard saw the visible unclenching of Liara’s chest, the release of the tension her bondmate had carried for who knew how long. “Thank you, Shepard. The thought of you going into the sun with the Reapers, of being gone forever… I just couldn’t.”

“I know.” Shepard sat up, drawing Liara into her arms. This? This felt right. It was where she belonged. Not as part of some Reaper. Here _ , _ in her bondmate’s embrace.

One thing still nagged at her, though. “I still don’t remember commanding the Reapers to destroy themselves.”

She could remember making the decision now. It had been the only way to rid the galaxy of the Reapers for good without destroying the Geth in the process. But when it came to carrying it out, there was a complete blank. Not like she’d forgotten, but as if there was nothing to forget.

“That’s because according to EDI, the consciousness we downloaded from the Reapers was… is… the original version of you,” Liara explained. “The one the Crucible analyzed to make the new Reaper intelligence. Not the intelligence itself.”

Shepard blinked, taking that in. It made sense. More than that, it was a relief. “So I really am me?”  _ Me. Not some Reaper hybrid. Just Shepard. _

More tears welled in Liara’s eyes, but Shepard could tell they were happy ones. “I told you so.”


	4. Chapter 4

After several hours spent on a cold exam table, enduring far too much poking and prodding, Shepard finally received Miranda’s all-clear. “As far as I can tell, you’re healthy as a horse, Shepard. You have full control of your new body, including its cybernetic additions.”

“Does that mean I can leave? No offense, but I’m pretty tired of hospitals.”

Miranda chuckled. “Perfectly understandable. Yes, you can leave, although I insist Liara keep an eye on you for the next several days in case any complications arise.”

Liara placed her hand on Shepard’s shoulder. “I believe we can arrange that.”

“In that case, you are officially discharged.”

Shepard climbed off the table, pulling Miranda into a tight hug. The former operative smelled sharp and sterile, like antiseptic wash, but there was a trace of familiar perfume too. Best of all, Shepard realized she was smelling it with a real nose.

“Thanks, Miranda.” It felt like she should say more, but what would be enough gratitude for the person who had brought her back from the brink of death, not once but twice?

“Anything for you, old friend.” Miranda stepped back, straightening her slightly wrinkled lab coat. “Your transportation is waiting in the hangar on the facility’s bottom floor. And expect a visit very soon. I can’t keep you in the hospital, but you aren’t getting out of house calls.”

“Only if you have a drink or two with me.”

Miranda sighed, unable to hide her grin. “Fair enough. Now get out of here, Shepard.”

With one last wave, Shepard left the room, holding Liara’s hand.

The facility’s hallways were empty, for which Shepard was grateful. Miranda’s doing, she suspected. The operative had probably given the staff a day off to ensure her privacy. She and Liara entered the nearest elevator without incident, pressing the button for the hangar. Once they started moving, Shepard noticed Liara’s eyes flick in her direction.

“What?”

“Merely making sure you’re all right. You do have a brand new body, after all.”

Shepard grinned. “So I do.”

Liara smiled back, and in her face, Shepard saw all the warmth she could have wished for. That smile had been the last thing she’d thought of when she made her choice, and the thing she’d most regretted leaving behind.  _ Now, I don’t have to. _

Once the elevator came to a stop, they exited side by side. Shepard’s legs were far steadier than they had been in the simulation. She didn’t understand the science behind it all, but whatever the technical explanation, this new body felt like home.

“So, what about the rest of the galaxy? Do people know what happened to me?”

“Some of it. The Alliance and the Council are still figuring out how to explain the stranger parts of all this to the population at large.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. It seemed not even a galaxy-spanning war could overcome the reluctance of politicians to tell the whole truth. “But the important people know, right? Garrus, Ashley…”

“They do.”

“And they’re not too weirded out?”

“Merely happy to have you back.”

They passed through a set of automatic doors, and Shepard stopped in her tracks, eyes going wide. There was only one ship in the hangar, a ship that made her tremble with emotion. “The  _ Normandy _ ,” she whispered reverently. Even from a distance, its sleek silver body and Alliance colors were unmistakable. She dropped Liara’s hand and rushed to the railing, leaning over for a better look.

“No need to run,” Liara said, following at a slower pace. “The ship isn’t going anywhere without us.”

Shepard sniffed through her laughter, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Does that mean Joker’s here? And EDI? They made it, right?”

Liara joined Shepard at the railing, rubbing circles in the middle of her back. “Why don’t we board, and you can see for yourself?”

Shepard didn’t need telling twice. She took the gangplank at a run, only stopping once she reached the ship.  _ Her _ ship. The sights, the sounds, the smells: everything about the SR-2 was exactly as she remembered. That included the hiss of the decontamination chamber, and the sound of EDI’s voice echoing from the speakers.

_ “Logged: Commanding Officer Shepard is aboard. Welcome home.” _

The lump in Shepard’s throat made it difficult to speak, but after swallowing several times, she managed a hoarse: “Thanks, EDI.”

“You’re welcome,” said EDI, in a much more natural voice. She walked across the deck in person, a warm smile on her face.

“EDI.” Shepard pulled her into a hug, squeezing as tight as possible. Saving the Geth had been the larger priority when the Leviathan AI offered her the option of destroying the Reapers — and all other synthetic intelligences in the galaxy — but she couldn’t deny that EDI, as an individual, had been foremost on her mind.

“It is good to see you, Shepard. We have missed you.”

“We?”

Shepard looked over EDI’s shoulder. More figures emerged from the Normandy’s elevator, and each familiar face made her heart soar. Her whole crew — Garrus, Ashley, Tali, Vega, Samantha, Joker, even Javik — had come to welcome her home. 

More amazing still, they were joined by three former squadmates: Wrex, Grunt, and Jack, who wore surprisingly similar toothy grins for two different species. As if on cue, the decontamination chamber hissed once more, revealing Miranda as well. Obviously, she had followed them to the hangar at a short distance.

“You’re here,” Shepard said, her voice thick with emotion. “You’re all really here!”

“Forgive me,” Liara said, wrapping a steadying arm around Shepard’s waist. “Miranda and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

Jack already had a bottle of beer in her hand, which she lifted in greeting. “So, Shep, is the cheerleader giving you a bulk discount on spare bodies, or what? Buy three rebuilds and the fourth one’s free.”

Miranda’s response was a roll of her eyes, but when Shepard laughed, it felt as if the sound came from the depths of her soul. After the emotional weight of the last few… days, weeks, she wasn’t even sure, Jack’s irreverence about her ordeal was a welcome change.

It also broke the ice. “I wonder if all Spectres get that health care plan?” Ashley quipped.

“Saren certainly didn’t,” Wrex added, and a series of increasingly bad jokes about Spectres, Turians, and zombies followed.

Shepard didn’t join in at first. Usually she loved to banter with her crew, but right now she was happy to just watch them laugh and drink and live. Liara was similarly quiet, but when she saw tears forming at the corners of Shepard’s eyes, she asked, “Is everything all right?”

“It is.” Shepard blinked her eyes clear, and smiled a crooked smile. “I’d just forgotten.”

“Forgotten what?”

“What it was like to be this way, with friends. Just being together. I know it hasn’t been so long since that party on the Citadel, but this time the shadow of death isn’t looming over us. I feel… I feel free.”

Liara’s arm pulled tighter, and she laid her head on Shepard’s shoulder. “So do I.”

* * *

“Come on, Commander. This party’s just getting warmed up!”

Shepard shook her head and laughed. “Sorry, Joker, but I think I’m at my limit. I did just come back from the dead, after all.”

“Which means that new body of yours should be in pristine condition,” Jack said. “I’m sure it can handle a few more shots.”

Miranda crossed her arms in disapproval. “And where, precisely, did you get your medical degree from, Jack? If Shepard wants to call it a night, you should be gracious about it.”

Jack gave her a  _ look _ , and Shepard wondered what exactly was going on between the two of them, while a few feet away, Tali lurched unsteadily. The latest of several drinks was in her hands, and when she spoke, it was slowly, as if remembering each word took time. “I know…”  She hesitated. “I know why Shepard  _ really _ wants to leave early.”

“And why is that, exactly?” Garrus asked, in a sly voice that made it clear he already knew the answer.

_ “You _ know…” Shepard was fairly sure Tali was making some sort of suggestive face beneath her mask, a suspicion that was confirmed when she rather blatantly grabbed Garrus’ rear.

He jumped, but looked otherwise pleased as EDI dead-panned, “Tali may be correct in her supposition. According to my databases, sex is a common way for organic lifeforms in a romantic relationship to express their happiness at seeing one another again.”

“Okay, that’s enough from the peanut gallery,” Shepard laughed. “I swear, if I wasn’t off duty, you’d all be written up for insubordination so fast...”

Her “threat” didn’t make much of an impression, as the rest of the crew kept cracking jokes while Ashley asked, “So, when are you coming back to active duty, skipper? I don’t mind keeping the seat warm, but this really is your ship.”

Shepard’s brow furrowed. It wasn’t a question she’d really considered. “Two days ought to be enough for me to get my bearing back.”

Miranda gave her a look of horror. “Two days is  _ not _ enough time to acclimate yourself after returning from the dead. I won’t hear of it.”

Wrex snorted. “Try stopping her. Shepard’s as strong as ever!” He let out a roar as if to prove this, which Grunt joined in while several of the other guests covered their ears.

“Mom can do anything,” the younger krogan insisted. “She’ll be back to smashing heads in a few days, tops.”

Shepard gave Grunt’s bulky shoulder a gentle punch. “Don’t use that as an excuse to cause trouble, buddy. Tell you what: if you’re good, I’ll go a few rounds with you tomorrow and we can see what this new body can really do.”

“I suppose multiple tests are in order,” Samantha Traynor said, in the same tone Tali had used earlier. The specialist was in charge of mixing the drinks, and had done a very good job, judging from everyone’s reactions. Shepard herself didn’t feel the alcohol’s effects thanks to her cybernetics, but being around her friends was enough to keep her loose and relaxed.

“What do you mean, multiple tests?” Shepard asked with narrowed eyes.

Samantha blushed. “I, er…”

EDI took it upon herself to clarify. “I believe she is implying that Liara would be more than willing to help you test the capabilities of your new body.”

Liara buried her face in her hands while the others laughed and Shepard groaned with dismay. “C’mon, guys. It’s my first day back. Go easy on me.”

Garrus gave her a friendly clap on the shoulder. “Shepard, when have you  _ ever _ wanted us to go easy on you?”

“Fair enough.” She looked at Liara, who had turned a fetching shade of purple. “Since these pyjaks already know our plans for the rest of the evening, we might as well go have our fun… right?”

Liara removed her hands, giving the others a rather intimidating glare. “Very well, Shepard. As for the rest of you, it would benefit you to remember that I am still the Shadow Broker, with access to _all_ of your most embarrassing secrets…”

There was a round of choking noises as people gagged on their drinks, or sputtered in embarrassment. Liara studied the gathering with sharp, don’t-even-try-it eyes, and then took Shepard’s hand in hers. “Shall we continue your reunion tour in the captain’s cabin?”

Shepard lifted Liara’s hand, brushing a kiss across her knuckles. “We shall, Dr. T’Soni.”

There were hoots and hollers as the two of them walked to the elevator, but Shepard paid them no mind. EDI turned up the music, and the party continued as Shepard and Liara entered the lift. As soon as it closed, Shepard took Liara in her arms, catching her lips in a deep, slow kiss. She’d missed Liara’s taste for so long, and now, she couldn’t get enough.

Fortunately, Liara seemed to be of a similar mind. She wound her arms around Shepard’s waist, clutching her tightly, as though something might try to pull the two of them apart.

“Calm down,” Shepard said, feeling Liara’s heart race against her chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“No,” Liara replied, her voice trembling. “No, you’re not.”

They resumed kissing until they arrived at the captain’s cabin. Liara wasted no time walking her backward into the room, and Shepard found herself struck breathless by her bondmate’s enthusiasm. She almost tripped down the single step leading to the sleeping area, and would have if Liara hadn’t helped steady her.

“Thanks…”

Shepard had meant to thank Liara for keeping her stable, but she realized she was expressing gratitude for so much more. Liara had been by her side, holding her up, ever since the beginning — including when Shepard wasn’t aware of it. Even during the time they’d spent apart, during Liara’s stint as an information broker on Illium, her bondmate had been working to help her, and to serve the cause that she’d died for.

“You have nothing to thank me for,” Liara murmured. “The galaxy should be thanking you. You deserve only good things, Shepard. Including this.”

A shadow lifted from Shepard’s heart. No matter how many times she told herself that the Reapers were gone, that it really was over, that she was alive and well and had earned a reward for her service — service she’d given freely, without any expectation of gratitude — she hadn’t believed it. Now, gazing into Liara’s soft blue eyes, she finally allowed that reality to seep in.

“What about this?” she asked, fingering the zipper at the back of Liara’s dress. “Can this be part of my reward?”

Liara flashed a sultry smile, turning to offer Shepard her back. “It can. In fact, I insist.”

Shepard took her time peeling the zipper down, her fingers fumbling more than expected. It wasn’t difficulty with her new body. Liara was simply so lovely that Shepard’s brain kept short-circuiting. She was captivated by the smooth blue expanse of Liara’s back, illuminated so beautifully by the light from the fish tank.

She couldn’t resist slowing down even further, bending to kiss Liara’s shoulders. Her lips followed the zipper, moving along her bondmate’s spine. When she reached the small of Liara’s back, a long sigh was her reward. She grinned, adding another, firmer kiss beneath Liara’s shoulder blade. “I think we should all get rewarded tonight, don’t you?”

“I’m certainly not going to object.” Liara’s dress was already hanging off of her shoulders, and a flick of her fingers set it free. The garment fell down, pooling at her feet. Once she kicked her shoes off as well, she was left in nothing but a black bra and matching panties.

“So beautiful.” 

Liara’s body was always stunning, but this was different. After all the pain, after believing she would never experience this again, Shepard was so awestruck she could scarcely breathe. She rose slowly, her hands quivering as they skimmed Liara’s sides. “This is real,” she whispered, reminding herself as much her bondmate.

“Yes, it is.” Liara turned, cupping Shepard’s face in her hands. In her eyes, Shepard could see the same wonder, and the same joy.

_ I can’t believe I almost left her _ .

They fell into a long kiss, drinking each other in deeply. Even as Liara stripped off Shepard’s clothes, they only broke apart for the briefest of moments. Neither of them could bear to stop touching, for an instant longer than necessary.

Once Liara had gotten her down to her underwear, Shepard led her toward the bed. “I forgot how much space the SR-2 has,” she said fondly. “This bed is huge. I guess Cerberus is good for designing two things.”

Liara cocked an eyebrow. “Comfortable beds, and…”

“New bodies.”

Liara giggled, but Shepard captured the sound with another kiss, pulling her bondmate onto the mattress. It was much more comfortable than her virtual cot, and the two of them rolled across together, kissing and laughing as they enjoyed the softness.

It ended with Shepard on top, gazing down at Liara’s smiling face. She didn’t want to look away, unfastening Liara’s bra by feel. The sight of those lovely, full breasts captivated her, but not so much that she hesitated to cup them. Liara’s nipples stiffened against Shepard’s palms, and her mouth fell open to release a pleased sigh.

Shepard replaced one hand with her mouth, teasing a hard, purple peak with her tongue. One of Liara’s hands slid through her hair, stroking affectionately. “I missed this so much.”

“So did I.” 

Shepard craned her neck, kissing up to the base of Liara’s throat. Liara stiffened, and Shepard slid a hand down, caressing the plane of her bondmate’s stomach. There she paused, fingertips toying with the fringe of Liara’s panties. She knew all the ways her bondmate enjoyed being teased, and as eager as she was for every pleasure they could possibly share, she wouldn’t rush this. Not tonight.

_ “Shepard,”  _ Liara gasped as Shepard dipped slowly beneath the waistband, searching out more sensitive skin.

She punctuated every touch with more kisses, to Liara’s lips and face alike. Her hungry mouth wandered back to her bondmate’s nipple, and she drew it in eagerly, sucking with more insistence than before. Liara groaned and bucked her hips, causing Shepard’s fingers to glide through a considerable pool of wetness.

“I can’t keep you waiting,” she growled into the soft curve of Liara’s breast, positioning two fingers on either side of her clit. The erect ridge wasn’t hard to find. It was already swollen with need, but Shepard teased its root without stroking the sensitive tip. “But I want to. I want to drive you crazy before I  _ really _ take you. Because we never had the time...”

It was true. As amazing as their stolen moments on the SR-1 and SR-2 had been, that was exactly what they had been: stolen. Now, for the very first time, there was no need to rush. No more war. No more looming death. The last of Shepard’s desire to rest left her heart. She wanted to be alive with a fierceness that surprised her _. _ Alive so she could make love to her beloved bondmate, for as long as they both wanted.

Liara’s lips quivered, as though she wanted to speak but couldn’t quite manage it. Her eyes rolled back, and when Shepard gazed into them, they were filled with a bright black sheen. “Meld with me,” Liara said at last, the pitch of her voice half an octave lower than usual. “I can wait to come. I can’t wait to for that.”

One last question tugged at Shepard. “Can you? My new brain…”

“Is still a brain, even if it’s not organic.”

Shepard relaxed, opening her mind to the familiar tingle of Liara’s presence. It was much easier than the first time, all those years ago, before they’d made the jump to Ilos in pursuit of Saren. Then, Liara’s entry into her mind had caused a (very worthwhile) headache, despite the added intimacy. Now, her presence felt like home. Like Liara’s thoughts and feelings were simply another part of Shepard, one she had been waiting for.

_ I love you, Shepard. _

Although Shepard didn’t need to cling to the certainty of those words anymore, they made her deliriously happy all the same.  _ Love you, too. Always. _

She slid one finger past Liara’s entrance, shivering as the shared sensation coursed through her own body. Without Liara saying so, Shepard could tell it wasn’t enough. She added a second finger, and then, to her surprise, a third, curling them all forcefully into Liara’s front wall.

_ Shepard! _

Feeling Liara cry her name across their bond, and the rush of love and lust that accompanied it, was even better than hearing it aloud. Shepard basked in the connection, then began a slow, deep rhythm, using her thigh for extra leverage. She made sure to keep it gentle, since she was stretching Liara so much, but her bondmate didn’t show any hesitation. She raked her nails down Shepard’s back, clinging on for dear life.

It was a hunger that spread, fueled by the bond, but also by their time apart. Shepard craved Liara, completely and in every way, and as good as it felt to experience the ghost of her own fingers, she needed a touch of her own. Liara sensed it. She slid a leg between Shepard’s thighs, and Shepard ground against it, moving in time with her deep thrusts.

The lines between them blurred as they made love. Delving fingers and broad pressure merged into a single, all consuming pleasure. They were both sides of every kiss, the giver and the taker, one in every way that mattered.

Neither could last long within such a combination. Shepard could feel their body’s tensing, Liara beneath her, and herself against her bondmate, feeding off of each other’s growing bliss. She could manage only a few more seconds of delay, drawing out every moment until the pressure became unbearable.

A final  _ Shepard  _ echoed through the bonds before she felt Liara — felt herself — clench around her fingers. A flood spilled out of Liara, coating her fingers and drenching the sheets beneath them, but Shepard didn’t care. The rest of the world was scarcely real. There was only her, and Liara, and the fire running through them.

But it wasn’t a blaze that consumed. Indeed, Shepard felt reborn. For one perfect instant, all of the pain they’d suffered, all of the grief, the loss, and the doubt, were burned away, leaving behind a love they would always share.

Their climax lasted for ages. Every time one of their pleasures’ flaggered, the other’s pulled them back to the peak. Only when they were both utterly spent did the meld give way, leaving behind two very satisfied lovers, and one mess of a bed.

Suddenly aware of the dampness, Shepard rolled over, moving them out of the wet spot. Liara looked down and laughed. It was a musical sound, not embarrassed as she had been the first time that had happened, but filled with all the joy of the moment. “I am rather hard on the sheets, aren’t I?”

“You’re totally worth the clean-up.” To illustrate her point, Shepard ran kisses along the the side of her bondmate’s crest, lavishing attention until Liara squirmed beneath her.

“It was all worth it,” Liara said through her pleased murmurs. “Everything we went through, it was worth it in the end.”

Shepard gazed down into Liara’s eyes. She had lived on the sharp edge of death for so many years that she’d lost sight of the possibility there could be anything else. But now, at last, they no longer had to settle for brief moments of happiness amidst the storm. They could rest in them, savor them, for as long as this new life she’d been blessed with lasted.

“It was,” she said softly, and when their lips came together once more, she knew for certain that it was the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that the story is over, we can reveal that the original inspiration for it was Revan's Mask watching the lovely San Junipero episode of Black Mirror. Afterwards, Rae graciously agreed to write this story with me, which was conceived of as a sort of reverse version of the episode. (Moving from the VR world to the real one) She was also the one who suggested we use the Control ending for the story, which was a great idea. I appreciate everyone who trusted us to see through this somewhat unusual tale, and we hope you found it satisfying.


End file.
